500 Calories Burned a Day

So peeps, for a while I have been in complete protest of mothers breastfeeding beyond the time a toddler has a full set of teeth. For example: If your child can chew any meat product, it is gross if they are chewing on mommy's breast too. Well, I must make a confession of some guiltiness here....I don't feel guilty fundamentally, yet I do have a guilty reason I object so vehemently. What is it you might ask...humph...I regret to tell you, aside from the fact that it is kind of gross and Oedipal, in a way, especially if said toddler is male, I can't stand the fact that these grossly over breast milked toddlers are burning 500 calories a session for their breast feeding mommies. I mean seriously, I have friends that are way skinnier and hotter then they were before they got pregnant. In retrospect they were a far-less stunning looking self prior to getting knocked up, compared to post 2 years plus of breast feeding their child. Some of these children in question are getting the tit into the their 3rd, 4th or 5th year of life and that is just not right. It is so completely frustrating that in order for me to burn 500 calories, I need to run a plural amount of miles, which sucks, in order to equal those breast feeding mommy's burning the same amount by sitting on the asses and just letting their walking, talking in complete sentences, steak chewing kids, suck on their boobs. I officially believe their is no justice in the world because of this freaking law of nature. I have one friend who, as long as I have ever known her, has always been a size 12, yet after having a baby and nursing it until it went to kindergarden, is currently down to a size 4, with no exercise or dieting involved! It is soooo unfair that breast feeding is effectively doing cardio without the horrors of doing cardio. Burning from 500 to 1500 calories a day by popping out a boob makes me want to slap a bitch. So Unfair!!! I almost want to have a child just to lose weight; I know CPS is ready for my ass already but do you see the injustice here??? I know it isn't right, but if I have to suffer these procreation's all encompassing crying, friend stealing, false profit parental worship, the least a mommy could do is keep the f'ing baby weight on and stop popping out the nipple in front of me.